Well, here we go again. I am, once again, overdue in a pregnancy. I woke up this morning with the following on my mind (maybe I will write a book that starts with these sentences one day...):
The days stretch before me, blank calendar spots on the wall. I am in an endless holding pattern, wondering so many things. Wondering how much longer this can go on, how much bigger I can get, how little sleep a person can actually survive on, how long life can remain on hold with the thought, "If I'm not in the hospital, then...," wondering what she will look like, if she will really be a girl, if she will come in the middle of the night, if she will be healthy, if I will have to have a c-section, if I will survive labor, how Olivia will handle her, and I could go on and on.
I am more anxious this pregnancy, less patient. I think it is due to the fact that I do not want to be induced again. Pitocin is NOT my friend (except for the fact that it may have saved Olivia's life), and I find myself praying almost all day every day that God will bring me into labor on my own. Ah well. I think I am sounding pretty melancholy. I guess I do feel that way. I am trying to relax and just go with the flow, but I am really struggling with this. I know there is much to be grateful for, and I thank God when I feel her move and know she is in there and is healthy, and this pregnancy has been very easy for me, relatively speaking. Plus, every day that I have with Olivia is special to me in a way it wasn't before because the days of just the two of us are numbered.
In the info department, I am having contractions, but they are not painful and not regular. The doctor said there was no change in my cervix from last week, so the numbers there are the same (if you missed it, check the last pregnancy post). I have an appointment for next Wednesday, and if I am still hanging in there, then I will go for testing of the amniotic fluid level and a non-stress test. If everything is good, I will go home and try not to think about why I am not in labor, but they will schedule me for an induction for the next week. So, either way, by April 2, she will be here. But that is two weeks from now. I am tired just thinking about it!!
3 comments:
Hang in there sweetie. I know it's hard for you (I mean, I don't KNOW, but I can imagine.) I'm praying for you every step of the way!!
Let me tell you one thing I know for sure. You cannot be pregnant forever :) I was overdue 2 weeks with the first two babies :O I know what you're going through. Just relish these last few days (yes, I said days. I'm believing it) with Peter and Olivia. I'm praying that you would trust the Lord with your body and trust that your body will evict that baby soon :)
The 2nd one for me was also nerve racking!!! I couldn't wait! I remembered how exciting it was when I had the 1st one and couldn't wait to feel that again! BUT as I arrived in the hospital.....that was another story! All and all it will be OVER soon! I love you! XOXOXO
Post a Comment